It's all late, I just kind of got up.  I had such a bad dream.  Well, it wasn't that bad.  I've been having several dreams very similar to it.  I'm fighting with a man, struggling or screaming.  I even remember waking up several times during one night scared and still struggling and thinking what the hell is wrong with me.  This time it was about Micheal...I was sitting on the sofa when my family walked in and he came too.  I was so mad that he would come in my house while I was right there.  I was thinking about what I should do.  I looked around for him and then noticed that he was sitting right next to me.  I was so mad so I started yelling at him and he just sat there not caring at all so I started trying to hit him in the face and clawing at his skin, but nothing worked.  Nobody in the room cared, and Micheal was just annoyed.  I didn't understand and it just made things worse so I started trying to claw at his skin.  I left the room and came back to find him sitting there still like nothing so I started picking up things and hitting him in the head with it.  I left again and came back he was walking in our kitchen.  I walked over there telling him that I can't believe he is doing this and he kept asking me why I was doing this and I said it's because of what you did and thinking he doesn't know what he put me through.  I was so damn angry I started hitting him in the face again and I picked up our dustpan (it has a pole connected to it) and hit him across the head with it.  It broke and all was left was the pole so I started scracthing him across the face with it and poking at him.  His face was bleeding but he still didn't care and he said "What is wrong with you?  I don't like you."  I was so angry I wanted to say something, but I couldn't believe what he just said.  I wanted to say something so that it wouldn't look like I was just crazy and mad because he doesn't want to be with me.  If you don't understand why I was thinking this let me remind you that a few nights ago my mom told me foreal that sometimes she thinks that me and Micheal were going around together and I'm just mad at him because he wouldn't admit it to Gracie.  I was so mad that he was trying to make me look like that infront of my family and mad that he was pretending like he never did anything wrong.  I wanted to say something like "yeah why would you fucking do all that to me, you fucking pervert!"  I didn't understand.  I was afraid that I would sound wrong or something, but at the same time so angry because I knew that if I didn't say something back to him that my family would believe what he was saying was true.  Then my family started laughing and were saying things like I wanted him to want me and that I liked him.  I was so disgusted and so mad I wanted to cry or scream.  I screamed at them to shut-up, but by then I had already woken up from my dream.  I screamed shut-up, but then I was relieved to find that it was all just a dream.  I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.  I can't ever cry about things like that, like something inside of me wants to reach out, but I won't let it happen...